I have seen a lot of things online and in pamphlets recently that seem to give good advice -- but they have a deeply disturbing undertone. First, there is the campaign for always asking for consent before kissing someone -- as if it is completely inappropriate to kiss someone without asking and worse, kissing someone without asking will seriously damage that person?? I don't get it. I have dated my share of girls, and I have had a moment completely blown (with a total hottie too) because I asked. And she laughed and said it sounded so weak and that she would have kissed me if I had not asked but because I was not brave enough to take the plunge...should wouldn't kiss me.
Secondly, there is a movement with growing societal acceptance that any form of sexual advance by a guy is harassment. I would never make a move on a girl at work because of this -- despite being told after quitting (on more than one occasion) that the girl WANTED me to make a move.
Here's the difference: there are antisocial, misguided twits out there with horrible attitudes towards women -- and these guys need schooling on what is appropriate or not -- and then there is the rest of men. But the truth is, girls do like it if a cute guy hits on them. They even do things like, I dunno, say YES! when the guy asks them if they want to go have sex. I have done this. And it's worked out marvelously. The girl told me afterwards that she was impressed with the way I took charge and loved that I took the guesswork out of things.
I have been on the receiving end too: I have had a girl say, 'Ok, so after we are done at this club, I want to take you home and fuck. Ok?" I was initially stunned by her boldness. And it was cool. I fucked her more than that one time too. ;)
But what I am saying is, it is extremely harmful to lump all sexual advances into the category of sexual assault and unwanted harassment. Why? Because the 'nice guys' will all get it and NEVER ask anyone ever because they are terrified of being labeled and misogynist asshole. But you know who won't care and will keep on actually harassing girls? The misogynist assholes! It's like the perfect way to remove the good guys from the equation and ensure that the only pricks that proposition women are the inappropriate douche-bags -- which leads to more and more girls labeling any form of proposition as inappropriate. The net result is nobody gets laid and everyone wants to die.
Lewd and boorish behavior is never acceptable. I am not saying that. But these guys with sexist attitudes are not going to learn by being kept in the dark until their sexual urges overcome them and they get all rapey and stuff. In fact, I genuinely fear this trend will increase rapes and assaults. And the purpose of all this is to avoid that, no?
Now I have had talks with radial feminists who espouse the idea that all sex is rape. But then again, they were out lesbians who seemed to be overcompensating -- because I guarantee you this: girls can and do enjoy having sex. From what I have seen, they have the same kind of sex drive as guys (sure, it works differently but the intensity of the drive is the same. And from talking to girl, I know there are some who are definitely chomping at the bit to fuck and are secretly just dying to have someone to give them a good fucking. Is it possible to rape such a girl? Yes. Of course. Just because she's horny and wants to fuck doesn't mean she wants to fuck you!! But just as I reject the idea that all sex is rape, I also reject the notion that all sexual advances are unwanted: because of the overwhelming evidence that women want them.
The point is, there is nothing inherently sexist or harmful about flirting with or propositioning anyone. If a girl does it...fine. If a guy does it...also fine. Should all sexual encounters be held only within some strict societal framework of when it is appropriate?? Fuck no. Let's get rid of the taboo that all sexual advances are condemned and let's embrace ourselves as enlightened sexual beings.
Girls already have to suffer through worries about being labelled a 'slut' if she respects herself enough to pursue her innermost desires despite of social judgement. Adding an extra layer where the guy is frightened of making advances too is just wrong. This is not about feminism and respecting females. This is about sexual repression and Victorian era guilt.
I have never known a girl to be overly impressed by handing her a written permission form to touch her elbow. Being a wimpy limp noodle who has to be goaded into sex seems like the lamest formula for sexual frustration and all round disappointing experiences. In fact for me, the hottest sexual encounters that lead to ongoing sexual relationships all had a tipping point where moves were made aggressively and things heated up from there. And I have never once been accused of rape: I have been accused of being a good lover.